Hello! Some how it’s May and that’s nuts, but I’m glad you’re here.
This month we’re talking about feedback. I did a poll on Instagram and 23% of people said that the prospect of getting feedback makes them want “to puke and hide”.
Honestly, I get that. But I think if we talk about it, we can change that feeling. So find a comfy chair and let’s get to it.
Here is a picture of a chair at a coffee shop that I wished I could sit down in and write. Alas, I had to go to work.
Bold
Some of our first experiences with feedback come in the form of grades in school. It was good or it wasn’t. We passed or we failed. The other 4th graders clapped after I did my presentation on Women’s Suffrage or they leaned across the row to giggle.
Sharing any part of my book feels like carving out a chunk of my own heart and offering it up for slaughter. It’s just so personal. And the more something matters, the harder it is to hear that it might not be as shiny and beautiful as you think it is.
But if we want to be creatives that share our projects with the world, we need to engage with feedback. The words on the page, the paint on the canvas, the notes on the track, are only half the conversation. The audience is the other half and so input matters.
Because I want your creative projects to be as good as they possibly can, I came up with some advice based on my own feedback journey.
Five Tips to Avoid Wanting to Puke and Hide When Soliciting Feedback
1. Eat a Snack, Go to the Bathroom, Take a Nap: Don’t start a feedback conversation if your basic needs aren’t met. You’ll be grumpy and vulnerable and more likely to take things personally.
2. Get Clear on Your Purpose: Perhaps you’re hitting a wall, but don’t know why. Perhaps you’ve edited over and over again and finally need an outside eye to see how the story lands.
Knowing what you want from feedback will ensure that your critique partner is helping you solve a problem rather than just creating a list of everything that’s wrong.
3. Be in Control of Your Own Feedback: Especially if you’re just starting out or apprehensive, give your reader specific questions to answer. This will give you a sense of what’s coming and the feedback will link to your purpose.
Additionally, feel empowered to say “pause” or “stop” at any time if you get overwhelmed. You can come back for more once you’ve had time to process.
4. Remember that Feedback is not a Mandate for Change: My grad school professor Helen White used to say this often. It is tattooed over my heart like a little piece of armor.
One person’s opinion is not a requirement to dismantle everything you’ve created. It’s just an opinion. Hear feedback, digest it and then decide what you want to do with it. I do, however, strongly encourage you to notice if patterns come up when getting feedback from more than one person.
5. Love Your Work More than Your Ego: I love my book so much that I can’t bear the thought of it being bad. That one truth has gotten me through every challenging piece of feedback, every rewrite and every failure. Love brings me back to the table. And yes, ‘bad’ is subjective, but if I’m going to share a story with the world I’ll be damned if it isn’t at least the very best I can make it.
Bookish
This month was crazy bananas for me at work so I’m celebrating the fact that I got anything done at all.
I stole some creative time during a business trip to Oakland.
I submitted my manuscript to Pitchfest with Bindery Books. It's basically a new way into publishing where manuscripts are chosen by book influencers rather than agents and publishers.
I am working to closely edit my manuscript with the help of a smart, patient and persistent friend who has been with me on this journey for many years. She recently took a course in editing and generously offered to apply her new skills to my work. We get to have in-the-weeds conversations about how things are described, keeping the world-building consistent, and character development.
Toward the start of this process, my friend sent a text apologizing for all the [Google] comments she was leaving.
She said : “I hope all the comments don’t take away from the fact that I love your writing and this story.”
I replied: “Point out everything. It’s the only way it’ll get better.”
Here’s a little post-revision excerpt just for you, my wonderful subscribers!
This is from the beginning of Chapter 2 where I introduce the character of Elena Avara. Originally the chapter opened with a description of the city and the character’s family. I received feedback that it wasn’t an interesting way of introducing the character. I was super cranky at the prospect of a rewrite. But ate I a snack, took a nap and returned when I was ready.
The city streets were no place for fear.
That was what Elena’s brother told her. She clung to his words as she walked a few steps behind him up the incline of the narrow, outer borough streets. Dust from the road coated her shoes and Elena was grateful that she had foregone her soft palace slippers for brown leather boots that laced tight around her ankles.
Elena stayed in the very middle of the street despite the protection of the guards that escorted them. She didn’t want the people, her people, to think she was afraid of them, but getting too close would be a mistake.
It’s never easy to hear there’s a plot hole, or the magic system is confusing, or your character isn’t believable. It sucks, but there is also a sense of relief. Thank goodness you caught this, now I can make it better.
Because that’s what you do when you love something. You don’t just leave it where it is, you help it grow.
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